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>> ROAD TRIP

Coming soon:
How I rang in the New Year by driving from FL to NY, posting stuff up to my web page along the way (Yes, I'm a geek!)...

>> COLLEGE DAZE:
>> THE LONG & BUMPY ROAD TO A DEGREE

After a slight sabbatical (since 1990), 1999 found me finally going back to my old college to see how many credits were left to wrap up my degree. To my surprise (and more than a little embarassment), it turned out I only had 4 classes to go. So after a bit of schedule- and financial assistance-wrangling, it was back to school I went, albeit as a VERY part-time student with a mere one class a semester. I was forced to take such a light course-load due to my full-time job and consulting side work.

When asked why I waited so long, I always say that I wanted to be in the Class of "aught-aught" or Y2K, which sounds WAY better than the Class of '89 (or '90, or '91, or...)

My 1st two semesters back, Summer and Fall of '99, were real brain-busters with "Science Fiction" as a literary genre and "AIDS: Contexts & Repercussions" (remember where I work) respectively. Acing both those classes was a mere prelude for my 2000 experiences.

"The Films of Hitchcock" in the Winter '00 semester was actually more of a challenge than it sounds. Having 3-hour classes four nights a week (Mon.-Thurs.) was bad enough, but they started at 5:30pm, meaning I got to nearly every class late because the Dowling campus is across the Island from LIAAC's Huntington offices and because I could never get out of work on time. Needless to say, I missed a heck of a lot of the movies I was supposed to be analyzing, but made up for it with class participation and connecting all kinds of weird parallels throughout "Hitch's" 50-year filmography. Final grade: B+

[It should be noted that all 3 of my classes up to this point were held in the SAME ROOM. By the Hitchcock class I was like "Here again?!?"]

If the SciFi and AIDS courses were dipping my toe in the water and Hitchcock was easing my way in, then my final class was finally getting my hair wet. But first, some background...

One of my major goals in going back to school was to take at least one Spanish course. Having a last name like mine, people automatically assume I habla the Español, which I don't. I'm not sure about other cultures, but in the Hispanic community this is not a good thing. I've endured all manner of reactions from good-natured chop-busting to out-and-out resentment. That aside, I want to have more of a connection to my culture than just my swarthy good looks. ;) A native language is obviously the best way to achieve just that entrance into any community.

Because Spanish classes were only offered during the major semesters (Fall and Spring) and filled up very quickly, there was no Spanish for me in '99. By now I had all the other course requirements for my degree sewn up, so I had an extra elective left. Thus I set my expectations on starting to learn the language of my genes in the Spring of 2000. Unfortunately my senior pre-graduation review proved otherwise.

Way back in my first stint at Dowling I took a course on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Yes, the guy who wrote the Sherlock Holmes stories. And yes, those were the works we studied. Granted, Conan Doyle was no literary giant on a par with, say, Shakespeare, but nor was he a Jessica Steele either. The Arthur Conan Doyle course was presented to me as fulfilling my "major author" requirement when I took it, and this was confirmed when I readmitted in 1999.

However, in the 10 years between my matriculations, two fun things happened. First, Dowling disposed of my records, forcing me -- at my expense -- to provide the transcripts of college-level courses taken at four other schools. I was also forced to -- again at my expense -- take my immunization shots over because no records existed anywhere (my childhood doctor is now retired and my parents' record were lost when they moved to Florida).

Dowling also changed the English department's standards so that -- you guessed it -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle no longer qualifies as a major author. No amount of arguing, cajoling or yelling would convince the powers-that-be that this was not only unfair, but it was false representation, as I was told the complete opposite during my re-admittance. And thus my hopes for taking Spanish in the Spring faded from view. These hopes were instead replaced with the dread of taking a major author course in the weeks before a major fundraiser for which I was doing major set-up at work, and ALSO in which I was supposed to be riding. (see "NY to the Hamptons Challenge" section)

Of course upon reflection I realize that I can take an evening Spanish at any number of places. And yes, as I said before, Conan Doyle is no Shakespeare. It's just the PRINCIPLE of it all, that I had already done so much to satisfy Dowling's requirements, and now they effectively went back on their word on this. My sister also had a similar situation when her college did the pre-graduation review just before her final semester and "found" she needed an extra course to graduate. This from the same department that had been "advising" her throughout the process. So because my folks were already tapped out and it was too late to get more financial aid, guess who took on the bill? And guess who's still paying it on his credit card?

Needless to say I was not pleased with my current situation, especially since most of the major author courses were held during the day, in direct opposition to my 9-5 work schedule. The one evening course was "Shakespeare's Romances". Despite my trepidation with taking a study in Shakespeare, whose works I had previously found dense and unreadable, I suggested this course.

Surprise, there was another snag. Because my suggested class was not technically a "major author level" course, a special "compromise" had to be made for it to satisfy the requirement. (Otherwise it was suggested that I take another course in the Summer or Fall semester and graduate in 2001 -- simply NOT an option.) And no, it doesn't make sense to me either how any Shakespeare course could not be considered a "major author" class.

Finally, after all the drama, my last semester commenced. I'll always remember how the professor did an exercise the first day where he asked the class for their impressions of Shakespeare. A group of what can best be termed as "Shakespeare groupies" recounted how the Bard is like a "fine wine, getting better with age" or a "classic Chevy" if he were a car. My response was that reading the Bard is like "bamboo shoots under my fingernails" and my most memorable experience is that so many Star Trek titles come from Shakespeare's works.

Oddly enough I wasn't thrown out immediately. Rather, I do believe I came away with a greater understanding of this dead guy who still lives on in so much of our current culture. Being a bit of a wordsmith myself I can now appreciate passages that previously seemed dense for their layers upon layers of meaning, often steeped in double-, triple- and quadruple-entendres. Without gushing any more, I suppose the strange course of events that led me to that course (see, now I'm doing it!) all worked out in the end. Of course (somebody stop me!!). Final grade: A

And for some unfathomable reason, the English department decided to bestow an honor award upon my sorry ass. This after I busted so many chops and made so many waves over the whole major author thing. Go figure...

So on Sunday, May 21, 2000, fifteen years after I graduated high school, I finally received my BA in English. My family flew up from Florida and were on hand for the interminably long ceremony at Nassau Coliseum with some of my closest friends. Despite my butt falling asleep twice during all the commencement speeches, it felt good. It felt DAMN good. (not my butt, GRADUATING, silly!)

Festivities commenced shortly thereafter at the Black Forest Brew Haus. Yummy beer, yummy food. Click below for bigger pics. More to come...

>> BIKE CHALLENGE

Coming soon:
How I trained and trained, and still only made it to the 65 mile mark before getting knocked out from heat stroke...

In the meantime, CLICK HERE for more Challenge info.

>> NEW "FAMILY MEMBER"

Coming soon:
How I got this li'l bundle o' joy...

>> ON THE ROAD AGAIN...

Yep, I've moved again. No big surprise for anyone who's know me longer than a year or two and has the 2 or 3 address book pages devoted to me to show for it.

Actually I was at my last place an unprecedented 2.5 years. I had to move out not of my own volition this time, but because the landlords sold the house, and the new owners don't want a tenant.

So after an extensive apartment search I settled on a place a mere 3 miles from work. My previous place in Lindenhurst was 14 miles away, so this would be better.

Speaking of the old place, getting out of there was another adventure. Moving day (September 1st) was of course one of the hottest and most humid days of the crazy Summer of 2000. So guess what happened about halfway through running up and down stairs lugging boxes out to the truck...? Yep, my old "friend" heat exhaustion caught up with me.

I thought I would be alright drinking plenty of water, taking frequent breaks, etc., but I wound up taking another ambulance ride to the ER for an intravenous drip. Luckily my buddy Keith was there helping with the move and made sure I got to the hospital OK. The EMTs getting me down the stairs while I was heaving and blacking out was quite a scene, and most of the neighborhood gathered for the spectacle. Keith then called my cousin Chris, who took over hospital "baby-sitting" duties for the next few hours, and gave me a lift at 9pm.

Do you think I drank 6 gallons of water upon getting out of the hospital? Slept for 12 hours? Nope, I went back to the apartment, finished packing the truck and unloaded it at the new place with my cuz. (I never said I was smart...) Actually getting the stuff into the new apartment was WAY easier than getting it out of the old place because I'm now on the 1st floor. Sleep finally came around 1am.

The next day I dodged calls from the truck place (it was due back at 11pm the previous night) trying to get the 2nd load done in torrential downpours with the help of 3rd-shifter Jeff. I avoided further hospital stays and finally got the truck back that evening. The punchline is that, while I'm willing to pay for the extra time I had the truck, the truck company has since charged an insane amount of late fees which I'm in the process of contesting.

So here's my new address info:

Frank Torres
85A West Hills Road
Huntington Station, NY 11746
631-421-2783

Feel free to send legal fees, and DON'T RENT FROM U-HAUL!

>> WEDDINGS GALORE!

Two weddings, one as a bridesmaid, one as a groomsman. (don't ask)
CLICK HERE for photos!

Also, two more exes bite the dust: Candy and Kim
(boo-friggin'-hoo...)

And congrats to Eric P. and Gina whose weddings I couldn't make.

>> B-DAY COINCIDENCE 101

>> THANKSGIVING IN FLORIDA