Just like the old days, this adventure started in a mad dash to... well, get started.

Showing uncharacteristic foresight enough to make arrangements to leave work a few hours early so as to make the 5:30 suggested arrival time, our hero still neglected to find out when the train to "The City" was leaving until the day of the show. Not surprisingly, there was a mere ten-minute window of opportunity, plenty of time for citizens of the 24th century, but not so much for us transporter-challenged folks. Luckily, a co-worker -- and his car -- were hijacked and the first leg of the journey was accomplished with about 1 minute to spare. Enough time to purchase a ticket no less!

Once in scenic NYC, it was time for the "strolling" portion of this biathlon ("training" being the first)... and it was promptly forgotten that avenues increase in number from east to west, thereby resulting in one Long Islander going two blocks (the LONG ones) off course. Somehow I still arrived at the Unitel Studio by 5pm, AHEAD OF SCHEDULE!! There I met up with fellow Long Islanders Tom and Donna (the ones responsible for floating me the complimentary ticket) who already had a good spot in line, and the test of endurance began.

An hour and a half of standing in line later and we were at least inside the building but still not seated, wondering if we might get bumped due to the throngs of VIPs ahead of us (also wondering if we could steal some of the crew's coffee while we nervously waited). Luckily there were just enough seats -- literally -- the line was stopped four people after us.

Once shown to our seats we were informed that we would have to partake in some sort of ritual competition, pitting the left, middle and right sides of the audience against each other. Fearing a bloody WWF-type brawl, we breathed a collective sigh of relief when we found that it was applause, not fists or pointed sticks, that would determine the winners of this spectacle.

Not quite the Def Jam Comedy Hour (the Chris Rock Show is only a half hour) there were various high and low points. Undoubtedly the high point was the live performance by rapper LL Cool J with his own version of "fly girl" backup dancers. Chris' monologue was okay, and he had a pretty funny sketch about what kinds of jobs await high school dropouts. However, the two standout disappointments were the lack of any discussion with "Mr. Cool J" after his performance (opting instead for a lame bit featuring a Kevorkian-style "suicide doctor" who wound up brandishing a chain saw to put a sneezing stage crew member "out of his misery"), and the fact that the guest interview with Bryant Gumbel had been pre-taped the night before (no big loss there, but still kinda cheesy...).

After the show let out I realized that I was STARVIN'! The nearest place to eat was a 99¢ taco joint, and that suited me just fine. While Tom & Donna went in search of coffee, I grabbed a couple of tacos with a big dish of mexican rice and plunked down by the window. No sooner had Tom & Donna returned than a Spanish-speaking homeless gent (spying my Latino features from the street) came in to make friends (I think). I informed him that I don't habla the español (yet!), and he said he was looking for some food. As usual I had over-ordered, and it wasn't all that great, so I was more than happy to pass him one of my tacos. (Mental note: Don't eat food I want at a window seat in NYC)

Anyways, that's as close to a disaster this story gets. Maybe because we came right home after that and no alcohol was consumed. Sorry kiddies!

PS: And the punchline...... I don't have HBO so I don't know if any of my mugging to the cameras worked...!

PPS: For those of you who don't know who the %#@!!* Chris Rock is, he's the guy from Saturday Night Live (Nat X) and the 1-800-COLLECT commercials. ("College is exPENsive...!")